


The Let Down

by popfly



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Gapfillerpalooza, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-05-20
Updated: 2005-05-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 16:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/575102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popfly/pseuds/popfly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gapfiller for season two, episode twenty (the finale). Justin comes back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Let Down

The soft snick of the door latch clicking into place hit Brian like a bullet to the chest.

He knew Justin was going to leave. He even gave him a nudge in that direction. Justin had tried to apologize, and Brian could hear the helplessness, the desperation in his tone. Brian knew that Justin felt sorry, and he knew that he could make Justin stay. But fuck if he was going to. 

So he told him it was his choice where he wanted to be. And he meant it. No locks on their doors, he'd always said. The words hung unspoken in the air between them, and Brian had to turn his back on Justin's wide wet eyes. Brian felt like the walls were caving in on him.

Then Justin was gone, and the loft seemed suddenly huge and impossibly silent. Brian pressed his fingertips to his eyelids and took a couple of deep breaths.

That was it. It was over. Brian could feel it down to his toes. No more Justin.

Funny how the thing he'd wanted so badly not too long ago was now the thing that made him feel like he'd been turned inside out. 

Brian wondered if Justin was going to Ethan. He wondered if Ethan would hold Justin while he cried, or if Justin would cry at all. Maybe he'd run all the way to Ethan's place and fuck him the second he walked in the door.

Brian shuddered violently and shoved up from his chair. He clawed at the knot on his tie and hit his thigh on the corner of the desk as he moved around it. He cursed once, softly, then threw his head back and shouted "fuck!" at the top of his lungs.

It reverberated around the room and did nothing to make Brian feel better.

He popped two buttons off his work shirt while tearing it off, and half of the things in his closet ended up on the floor as he shoved things aside looking for a shirt to wear out. He needed to get out of the loft, out of the screaming silence, and he needed to get to Babylon. 

A place he'd never feel rejected.

He knocked his cologne bottle off the sink when he reached for it, and it shattered on the tile. Brian's head swam as the strong alcohol smell reached his nostrils, and he backed out of the bathroom so fast he clipped his shoulder on the door jamb.

He cursed again, and he could feel something panicky and strange climbing his spine.

He sent a pile of papers flying from the kitchen counter when he reached for his keys, and slammed the door so hard it slid back on its track.

He made it all the way into the Jeep, practically ripping the door handle off, before his momentum died.

He sat in the Jeep for long minutes, breathing heavily, his fingers gripping the steering wheel so hard he lost all feeling from his knuckles down.

His pulse gradually slowed, and he peeled his hands from the wheel. There were crescent-shaped nail marks in his palms and his fingers tingled as the blood rushed back to them. He gently nudged the car door open and he stepped down onto the pavement.

His steps were slow and even as he made his way back up to the loft.

He re-stacked the papers on the kitchen counter, re-hung the clothes in his closet and cleaned up the mess in the bathroom. Then he stripped down and got in bed.

He kept his mind carefully blank and stared at the ceiling.

When Brian heard the scraping of a key in the lock, he felt his stomach tie itself into knots. The door opened and shut, and then Brian heard footsteps gingerly making their way across the hardwood floor. When Justin appeared in the bedroom Brian felt his whole body tense, and he fought to keep everything he was feeling from showing in his expression.

Justin stepped out of his shoes, socks and pants and pulled his shirt over his head. Brian could see the way his eyes drooped, the way he looked like he was curling in on himself and felt a small bud of hope bloom in his chest. He felt stupid and ridiculous, but he thought maybe he'd been wrong. Maybe Justin had gone out for a walk, or to Babylon, or somewhere other than Ethan's. Maybe he was coming back for real, for good.

Brian couldn't think of anything to say, so he just lifted the blanket and let Justin crawl into bed.

He ran his fingers lightly up and down Justin's arm and felt himself sag forwards. He may have felt stupid and ridiculous, but he was also exhausted, and now that Justin was home and the knots in his stomach were loosened, he would be able to sleep.


End file.
